But most people he socialized with were for him members of a secondary group. My friend socialized with them for the purpose of getting used to a new social environment, practice his English, and find new friends. But his relationship with most people in the neighborhood and at school was not based on the kind of social intimacy that characterized his relationship with other Kurdish refugees in the neighborhood. My friend told me often that he was thankful to the United States for welcoming him in this country and that people were generally very friendly. But he also told stories about his school life and some people's treatment which were based on ethnocentrism. Some of his peers looked down upon him because of his foreignness, Kurdish accent while speaking English, and his inability to fully practice dominant American culture. For example, his peers at school sometimes would not allow him to sit next to them by placing their bags on the next seat or saying that the seat was occupied, although these same students would allow other students (local Americans)...
This type of behavior may be explained by the concept of territoriality, which refers to nonverbal communication through which people express their ownership or occupancy of space. The sense of ownership or belonging to the space, however, may be based on shared cultural values, race, age, and other social markers.
My friend told me about problems with his own community (primary group) as well. His mother, for example, was strict, demanding, and did not approve of "too much" Americanization. So, he struggled even with such rudimentary matters as dress code, proper manner of eating and drinking, and his relationship with his female peers. The demands of his mother on the one hand, and the demands of the social environment on the other, made his life difficult. But this experience, he told me, taught him many valuable lessons as well. He could better appreciate such values as community membership, political freedom, and preserving one's cultural identity. He even helped me to better appreciate these values.
